Hey, thanks to everyone who offered cat advice last week! I'm genuinely shocked to report this, but . . . I caught the wayward cat!  Here's what happened:

Wayward cat remained stubbornly wayward throughout the week, evading the traps I set out until well after the boys' neutering appointment passed (bed-piss-cat was not so lucky and has been successfully force-femmed). After that point, I gave up on setting traps and decided to focus on bed-piss-cat instead. He was behaving very well, so I decided to let him back into the bedroom late one night . . . only for him to make a beeline for the bed and immediately start pissing on it again. Exhausted, I ripped the covers off and walked out to the laundry room, only to see wayward cat sneaking up to the front door!! He bolted as soon as I saw him, but I kept seeing him over the next hour as I did the laundry, so I figured, what the hell, and decided to try the trap one more time. I slept terribly on the remains of what sheets I had left, but woke on the next morning to a trapped cat! 

With that said, if either one of these guys gets out again, I am going to become the Joker.